Wednesday, September 15, 2010

To All Those Republicans Worried About Billy Embarrassing The GOP, Don't Worry, Roy's Got An Ace Up His Sleeve Or An Ace In The Hole Or Whatever

In response to this post, Billy Nixes Bozo, Anonymous made this comment:

He's a pig. A big fat uneducated pig. Who in the world is behind this total embarrassment to our district and it's people?

Every time I see this man I just cannot believe anyone would elect him for anything let alone congress.

This world IS in a mess for sure and electing this guy won't change a thing for the better. 9/14/2010 8:47 PM

This anonymous commentator wants to know who is behind this total embarrassment?

Well, how about Roy Blunt. He had a plan.

You see, Jack Goodman was supposed to win. He was the chosen one, the anointed one. Blunt could control him, he was family.

But the best laid plans....

Billy Long got in the game because the real estate market was tanking, he was way overextended and he was looking an easy way to make a buck, you know, like the auctionneering gig. Slick Billy's a promoter and when Catanese started promoting him on the ky3 blog the tea partiers took notice. All the attention focused on this auctioneer who wanted to be a congressman and Billy just ate it up!

When Long won the primary, Blunt knew his plan had to change. He had to embrace Billy, for survival. Blunt knew that his chances to defeat Carnahan and succeed Kit Bond, thus continuing the Blunt political dynasty, depended heavily on a strong GOP gotv in SWMO.

But with Billy as the candidate, that became so much harder. Billy was a wild card, a loose cannon. He did not understand politics. He was "Fed Up" but no one knew much more than that. He wouldn't or couldn't get beyond memorizing soundbites. Nobody, not even Abigail could get him to understand there are some things you just don't do(and goodness knows, she tried). But Billy wasn't listening, he was riding the big wave, "On top of the world, MA!" Long could, if Roy couldn't keep him under control, in less than two years, make a shambles of the 7th and open the door much wider for the seat to turn.

Blunt turns to his powerful lobbyist friends and begs them to pump massive amounts of cash into Long's race helping not only Long but also Roy and keep the seat safe for the Rs.

Blunt is hoping Billy is successful. More than he ever needs anything, Roy needs Billy to win the election. Roy needs those GOP votes in SWMO for his own survival and the survival of whole Blunt dynasty. So he develops another plan (whether alone or with an other's input is not known) and runs it by a few trusted advisers.
Blunt's new plan has two components, all precluded on a Republican victory in the house and senate races:

Component 1. Blunt beats Carnahan and Long beats Eckersley. Blunt keeps Long on a short lease and Long does what he is told and they all live happily ever after.

Component 2. Blunt beats Carnahan and Long beats Eckersley. Blunt tries to keep Long on a short lease but fails and Long continually embarrasses the 7th District GOP, the Missouri GOP, the national GOP, SW MO, the entire state of Missouri and the eight states that border Missouri and becomes MSNBC's Countdown's permanent "Worst Person In The World"..

If component 1 comes to pass, all is well in GOP land.

If component 2 comes to pass, the contingency plan goes into effect.

Contingency Plan: Slick Billy is a disaster as a congressman, he misses votes, his cowboy hat and cowboy boots don't play well with the Georgetown crowd. He is not the big fish in a small pond, but a tiny fish in a big pond. He is not happy but, hey, the money's good and it's got good benefits and good health insurance. He thinks he probably throw his hand in the ring for another two years. He thinks the folks back home just love his stories and jokes. It's an easy job the way he does it, it's an easy job.

Blunt has other ideas. He has to get rid of Slick Billy who is tarnishing the GOP brand.

But who? It has to be someone who Blunt can trust. Someone who can appeal to SWMO voters, someone who has maintained a presence in SWMO via social media, preferably someone who is a veteran (a war vet would be good), someone who is loyal to the party, someone who can converse with say, a Mitt Romney, and not embarrass everyone in earshot, someone who has accomplished everything he set out to do, someone who will do what they are told, someone who will listen to Daddy, someone who will....wait a minute! Did I just say, "Listen to Daddy?"

Matt? Matt Blunt? Not only yes, but Hell Yes! It's a brilliant plan and you know it! It gets rid of Billy and restores Matt's birthright which was snatched right out of his hands by that eck guy. Go ahead and laugh, Mitt and Matt, Daddy's plan is brilliant, Mitt even sent Long some money, never mind about that "fed up" with career politicians schtick, those schmucks in the 7th are buying it!

Blunt needs a hero, a war hero, someone who can come in and rescue the seat, someone who has been in government before, someone who will listen to orders, someone who will beat Billy... yeah, Matt Blunt.

The contingency plan ends in one of two ways, both with the same result: Matt Blunt runs against Billy in the 2012 Republican primary and wins. Or Billy decides not to run to 'spend more time with is family' and goes off to wherever old Auctioneers go, maybe to that big three ring auction downstream from here.

The Blunt's regain control of the GOP in SWMO and all is well in the world.

OMG. The nightmare starts again!


Sara said...


Anonymous said...

I don't know what you have been smoking but it must be the same thing I've been smoking because I see it the same way.

Our timetable may differ but everything will be done to line up the stars for Matt to replace Billy in the (near?) future.

Anonymous said...

Component 3: Robin beats Roy.

Billy does not have Roy's adult supervision in Washington and Billy is a ship without a rudder (kinda like a cow without an udder) and becomes a Mongolian Cluster F#^*....ree-for-all.

Busplunge said...

Anon 11:12 AM --

how right you are!

The CDM said...

I remember saying something along those lines and was called something along the lines of being an idiot.

It's true, it's true, a cluster fock in waiting.

Anonymous said...

My Republican Party has turned into Tea Pots and Crack Pots and I'm having trouble telling one from the other.

Anonymous said...

If you're smoking what I am smoking you're not wasting energy thinking about that guy...

dangerousdaisy said...

Oh what evil webs we weave...

As big a screwup as this is, it's still not Blunt's biggest screwup.

Ta da.

como said...

Very Interesting piece Jim

Anonymous said...

Jim, you totally crack me up. I love reading the makes my day.

How true and right you are.

He'll be Long Gone.

Anonymous said...

Okay, the pic of Long Gone in the white hat, that says it all.

Oh My God.

Is this our next congressman, God say it ain't so!