Too Much Church Work

One time there was a young doctor come to our settlement, and he was just out of medical school. He got an old doctor to show him around the neighborhood for a few days, so he could get acquainted with the folks and see what kind of doctoring they was used to.

The first house they stopped at, the old doctor felt a sick woman's pulse. "You've been eating too much sweet stuff," says he. Then he give the woman some pills, and that's there was to it. When they got back into the buggy the young doctor says, "You didn't examine that woman. How did you know what was the matter with her?" The old doctor just grinned. "Didn't you see all those candy-bar wrappings in the fireplace?", says he.

When they come to the next house, the old doctor felt a sick man's pulse and looked at his tongue. "You've been smoking too much," says he. Then he left some pills on the table, and that's all there was to it. "You didn't five that fellow any examination, either," says the young doctor. "How did you know what was wrong with him?" The old doctor just grinned. "Didn't you see those cigaret butts all over the floor?": he says.

On their was to the next house, the old doctor says, "The woman that lives here is a grass-widow, and she is pretty sick. Suppose you take this case and we'll see how you make out." So the young doctor felt the woman's pulse and looked at her tongue. "You've been doing too much church work," he says, "and I advise you to go easy for awhile." Then he give her some pills, and that's all there was to it.
When they got in the buggy, the old doctor says, "Too much religion is driving that woman crazy. I told her so, years ago. But you never saw the patient before. How on earth did you know what was the matter with her?" The young doctor just grinned. "Didn't you see that preacher under the bed?" says he.

Told by Mr. George Head, Eureka Springs, Ark., April, 1951. Amy Johnson Miller (The Pioneer Doctor in the Ozarks White River Country, 1947, pp. 80-81) spins the same yarn, which she credits to a travelling salesman.

Bennet Cerf (Saturday Review of Literature, Sept. 1, 1951, p. 5) has a modern version of this one, with "political activity" instead of "church work," and the governor taking the preacher's place. Cf. Southern Folklore Quarterly, XVI (1952), 174-75 (V.R.)

This appears to be a modern version of a standard fool tale: Motif J 2412.4, "Imitation of diagnosis by observation: ass's flesh." In the European form, and also in New Jersey, the new practitioner deduces the patient ate too much mule--because there is a saddle under the bed. (H.H.)

All this from Vance Randolph's book, Stiff As A Poker. And you thought he was famous just for writing down dirty jokes in Pissing In The Snow