Cool Guys Don't Look At Explosions

Gettin' In The Xmas Spirit!

"Bah, humbug!" No, that's too strong
'Cause it is my favorite holiday
But all this year's been a busy blur
Don't think I have the energy

To add to my already mad rush
Just 'cause it's 'tis the season.
The perfect gift for me would be
Completions and connections left from

Last year, ski shop,
Encounter, most interesting.
Had his number but never the time
Most of '81 passed along those lines.

So deck those halls, trim those trees
Raise up cups of Christmas cheer,
I just need to catch my breath,
Christmas by myself this year.

Calendar picture, frozen landscape,
Chilled this room for twenty-four days,
Evergreens, sparkling snow
Get this winter over with!

Flashback to springtime, saw him again,
Would've been good to go for lunch,
Couldn't agree when we were both free,
We tried, we said we'd keep in touch.

Didn't, of course, 'til summertime,
Out to the beach to his boat could I join him?
No, this time it was me,
Sunburn in the third degree.

Now the calendar's just one page
And, of course, I am excited
Tonight's the night, but I've set my mind
Not to do too much about it.

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
But I think I'll miss this one this year.
Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
But I think I'll miss this one this year.
Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
But I think I'll miss this one this year.
Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
But I think I'll miss this one this year.

Hardly dashing through the snow
Cause I bundled up too tight
Last minute have-to-do's
A few cards a few calls
'Cause it's r-s-v-p
No thanks, no party lights
It's Christmas Eve, gonna relax
Turned down all of my invites.

Last fall I had a night to myself,
Same guy called, halloween party,
Waited all night for him to show,
This time his car wouldn't go,

Forget it, it's cold, it's getting late,
Trudge on home to celebrate
In a quiet way, unwind
Doing Christmas right this time.

A&P has provided me
With the world's smallest turkey
Already in the oven, nice and hot
Oh damn! Guess what I forgot?

So on with the boots, back out in the snow
To the only all-night grocery,
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
In the line is that guy I've been chasing all year!

"I'm spending this one alone," he said.
"Need a break; this year's been crazy."
I said, "Me too, but why are you?
You mean you forgot cranberries too?"

Then suddenly we laughed and laughed
Caught on to what was happening
That Christmas magic's brought this tale
To a very happy ending! "

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
Couldn't miss this one this year!
Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
Couldn't miss this one this year!

Written by Chris Butler
(c) 1981 Future Fossil Music, BMI

Homeless Surge Spurs Action: Baby It's Cold Outside

Today, I am proud of My City.

From this morning's SN-L comes this lede:

The homeless in Springfield frantically searching for an emergency-shelter bed could soon turn to facilities that have been off-limits -- local churches.
Reacting to the swelling numbers of homeless people flooding local agencies, the City Council next Monday will vote on a resolution declaring the city to be in an economic calamity.

If approved, churches and other facilities long hamstrung by zoning regulations will be allowed to open their doors to homeless.

The City sent out this news release this morning on the same subject:

The Springfield City Council will consider at its Dec. 14, 2009 meeting a resolution to expand the definition of “emergency shelters” to allow more types of buildings in Springfield to be used to house and provide food for people who are homeless.

Council Bill 2009-308 will declare an “economic calamity” based on the current Greene County and Missouri unemployment rates of more than 8 and 9 percent respectively. It would remain in effect until May 1, 2010, or the local unemployment rate drops to 5 percent for two months in a row, whichever occurs first.

The resolution is intended to address the need for additional temporary shelter space based on the waiting lists for families and individuals to be placed at recognized homeless services’ facilities. The resolution will move forward for the Dec. 14 agenda after receiving endorsement from the newly formed Task Force for Homeless Young Children at its initial meeting Tuesday.

If the resolution is approved Monday, it would allow individuals, churches or other agencies that meet building, safety and health codes to voluntarily offer temporary shelter or offer food without being defined for that use in the City land-development code. The Springfield Fire Department would perform an initial inspection and possible random inspections during this time period to assure that life-safety requirements are met.

One of the comments at the end of the SN-L article:

This is Jim Harriger, Executive Director of Victory Mission. The Church is already involved in helping the poor and homeless in our community! Individual churches do it in so many ways that they honestly can not all be counted. The Victory Mission, the Missouri Hotel and the Salvation Army are full. It is cold. What is moving forward is a delclartion of "calamity", which allows a local church --cleared theough the Council of Churches (don't get hung up on this)-- to take people in. It is cold. Right now it doesn't matter why a person needs shelter, it is cold. What they did in the past doesn't matter. As a community we need to get them in out of the cold.Because of the Commercial Street Task Force, we have an awareness of the issue in a way that we haven't have for several years. NOW is the time to come together, to get over the name calling, accusations and criticism and get on with helping families learn how to earn a living, take care of themselves and contribute back

Explanation to Council Bill 2009-308.

Matthew 25: 35-40

Finally, please no more references to "skin in the game", "800 pound gorillas" and "eating elephants".

Now That Schoeller's Jettisoned Jetton, Will There Be A Change In His Campaign Rhetoric?

April 9, 2009, KCSTAR's Jason Noble posted this piece:

Shane Schoeller gunning for speaker pro tem in fiery campaign letter
JEFFERSON CITY | What do Barack Obama, Jay Nixon and Bryan Pratt have in common?

They all need to watch out for Shane Schoeller.

Yes, Schoeller, the Republican lawmaker currently in his second term representing Willard in the Missouri House.

In a fiery letter soliciting campaign contributions, attached below, Schoeller sharply attacks Obama and Nixon for their "liberal" policies and sets his sights on the office of Speaker Pro Tem, currently held by Pratt.

The letter obtained by The Star is addressed to Jeannie Huckstep, of the Springfield accounting firm Huckstep & Associates LLC.

"The hair on the back of my neck stands stiff each time I see Obama and Pelosi on TV talking about their 'equitable' tax plan," Schoeller writes. "You and I know what they mean: taxing successful small business owners.

"Does it seem wrong you that unproductive and wrong-headed policies are about all we see from Washington," he continues. "Like me, do you worry that Jay Nixon and the state government bureaucrats are taking us in the same, flawed, direction?"

The broadside goes on for five pages -- at one point likening liberal taxation policies to "a disease" -- before winding up with a request for $1,000, $750, $500 or $250.

"If you can give more, that would be great," Schoeller writes.

And along the way, Schoeller refers twice to his desire to run for Pro Tem, the second-highest leadership positiion in the House.

"To defend our small businesses, I'm going to have to step up in the legislature," Schoeller writes. "That's why I'm running for Speaker Pro Tem of the Missouri House of Representatives."

Pratt is in his fourth term in the House, and will be barred by term limits from running again in 2010. That leaves the Pro Tem seat open.

And oh by the way, Schoeller has hired former House Speaker and Republican political consultant Rod Jetton to run his 2010 campaign . The address given for donations is that of Jetton's Jefferson City office -- not Schoeller's Willard-based campaign committee.

"I will not support any new form of taxes". I bet the firemen loved that.

Here is the link to the Schoeller letter referenced in the KC Star article.

Ebay / Craigslist Have Issues With Each Other

Reuters is reporting "EBay executives were told to feign surprise if Craigslist executives were to react negatively to news that eBay was launching its Kijiji classifieds site, one email showed."

Ebay purchased a stake of Craigslist in 2004. The possibility of Craigslist charging for ads makes it extremely attractive to investors.

Doing My Bit For The War Effort

From my sister Joan, who lives in Florida,comes this message and photo:

Well, there is good news and bad news about my Christmas decorations this year

Good news is that I truly out did myself this year with my Christmas decorations. The bad news is that I had to take him down after 2 days. I had more people come screaming up to my house than ever. Great stories. But two things made me take it down. First, the cops advised me that it would cause traffic accidents as they almost wrecked when they drove by. Second, a 55 year old lady grabbed the 75 pound ladder almost killed herself putting it against my house and didn't realize it was fake until she climbed to the top (she was not happy). By the way, she was one of many people who attempted to do that. My yard couldn't take it either. I have more than a few tire tracks where people literally drove up my yard.

Kind of feel like I gave in to the man by taking him down but my neighbor did confirm to near miss accidents on the busy street next to my house. I think I made him too real this time

So it was fun while it lasted

Schadenfreude? You Betcha!

Hey Rod, you forgot your flag pin!Vintage Jetton posts: Twinkies, Pop Tarts and Steak, September 18, 2007 and The Sad Legacy of the Jetton Era, May 20, 2008. The StL Today article mentioned is linked here. If that link doesn't work, Randy Turner published excerpts on the Turner Report here. In October, Jason Noble and Steve Kraske of the Kansas City Star wrote an indepth look at Jetton under the headline "House For Sale".

Stinque has a post titled "Fugitive GOP Icon Surrenders To Police In Bizarre Republioan Wife Beating Case.

The Erstwhile Conservative thinks Missourians Need A Safe Word.

Just Read It tells of the New Inductee Into The Family Values Hall Of Fame.

Jonathon Turley wonders if we should Spare The Rod.

Uniball Roller wonders about covering the Appalachian Trail with Green Balloons.

Joe.My.God. tells us about safewords.

Wonkette wonders how one says "Green Balloons when one is being choked.

Tony Messenger tells us Rod is shutting down his consulting firm to "Spend More Time With His Family.

Follow The Money

It's a slow day in a little East Texas town.

The sun is beating down, and the streets are deserted.

Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit......

On this particular day a rich tourist from back east is driving through town. He stops at the motel and lays a $100 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.

As soon as the man walks upstairs, the owner grabs the bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to retire his debt to the pig farmer.

The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel.

The guy at the Farmer's Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her "services" on credit.

The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel owner.

The hotel proprietor then places the $100 back on the counter so the rich traveler will not suspect anything.

At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, picks up the $100 bill, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town.

No one produced anything.

No one earned anything.

However, the whole town is now out of debt and now looks to the future with a lot more optimism.

Found on Ormond Offbeat.

Republican Safewords

"Trickledown"

"Surge"

"Cut and Run"

"Bait and Switch"

"Flip-Flop"

"Wide Stance"

"Gerrymander"

"Green Balloons"

Green Balloons? That ain't a safewor...oh, never mind.

Jetton Accused Of Felony Assault -- Didn't Know When To Stop

Breaking News From KC Star.

BREAKING: Former Missouri speaker faces felony assault charge
The Scott County court clerk confirms a felony complaint has been filed against former Missouri House Speaker Rod Jetton for an incident that allegedly took place Nov. 15 in Sikeston, Mo.

Casenet says the complaint was filed today, a class C felony assault carrying a seven year and/or $5000 penalty.

Sikeston police would not comment. The city attorney would not comment.

The complaint alleges Jetton "recklessly caused serious physical injury to ------- by hitting her on the head, and choking her resulting in unconsciousness and the loss of the function of part of her body."

UPDATE, 3:50: The affidavit attached to the probably cause statement alleges Jetton went to the home of the victim Nov. 15, where he and the victim drank wine and watched a football game. The victim claims Jetton hit her on the face and choked her, leaving bruises that the police department photographed.

The affidavit claims the assault occurred during the night and into the morning of Nov. 16. It says Jetton and the victim agreed on a "safe word" "to use as a stop word during intercourse."

It is not known if Jetton -- now a political consultant -- is in custody.

More details to come.