Saturday, October 09, 2010

More obfuscation from our favorite auctioneer: ala carte health insurance

In response to the Obama's state of the union speech this past January, Long said, "We should also allow more flexibility in how insurance plans are structured so that people are not forced to buy insurance for conditions that they don't want to have covered."

Ah jeez, ala carte health insurance."Why heck,Roy, you don't gotta go to Canada to get a new hip, I know a guy who can get you one wholesale."

I can see it now, the auctioneer talking to his insurance agent:

Let's see, give me two testicular cancers cause I got 2 of them puppies, don't need the ovary insurance.

I sure as heck don't need OB-GYN coverage either.

oh,oh, give me throat coverage, I will need coverage on my throat, you know, sore throat, strep throat, tonsillitis, lymph gland, you know, I talk a lot and my voice is my fortune.

I don't think I'll need breast cancer coverage, men don't have breasts.

And I don't want no prostrate coverage either, I ain't taking this one lying down, I mean to tell you ain't nobody going up there! I ain't no swisher!

Let's see, let's make it a high deductible and uh, be sure to tell my wife how much the premiums are because she writes the checks in our house.

Oh, say, do you offer knee and hip replacements? I'm a big man and I might need some of those, Roy was worried about getting his hip replaced and if Roy is worried about it, then I am too. Yeah, I might need some of that.

Hot diggity dog, I almost forgot, give me some of that stroke insurance too. Why them Ekersley boys was trying to stroke me out this summer, I'm big old fat boy. I want some of that there stroke insurance too, yeah, ok.

Throw in some skin cancer coverage too.

Say, if I buy the stroke insurance, do I get sun stroke for free?

Uh, yes, I do have a preferred physician. Dr. Scott.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Jim I haven't stopped laughing. Best Billy Long article of the year.

Anonymous said...

He had orta reconsider breast cancer coverage.

Anonymous said...

He definitely needs somekind of coverage for his manboobs...

Anonymous said...

That doctor looks like he was too happy when you mentioned that your family has a history of prostate trouble, ohhhh yeeaahhh!

Anonymous said...

That liver might give out too with all the Dewars on the Rocks over there at the Metropolitan Grill.

Anonymous said...

I laughed and laughed at this one Jim. You should write for Saturday Night Live.

When Long yelled "hot diggity dog" on the debate the other night I laughed until I nearly fell off the bar stool in my kitchen. My spouse was watching the debate in the bedroom and came into the kitchen saying, "did he just say 'hot diggity dog?'". I was laughing so hard I couldn't answer--- all I could do was shake my head 'yes'.

My god this has been the funniest election I can remember in the 7th district.

Long is a total cartoon character. He should do radio, on TV he's so fat he looks like he's just going to puff up and float away or something. I bet when he passes gas he clears the room!!

-Angelfire-

Jane said...

hope you are getting better… sore throat is not a lot of fun its just uncomfortable and difficult to swallow.

usually, i would take the Nim Jiom Cough Syrup (www.geocities.jp/ninjiom_hong_kong/index_e.htm ) which has a thick consistency formulation. it coats the throat and includes herbs that are particularly good for that application.

i hope it works on you as well.