Thursday, November 29, 2007

Gov. Blunt Deeply Troubled: Another Victory In The War On Christmas?

Governor Blunt: "I am deeply troubled".
The battle lines have formed and the war picks up right from where it left off a year ago. Today was the first victory in the the War On Christmas!From this day hence, it shall be known as the "Great Christmas Tree Take Down and Put Back Up Again".
MSU University bureaucrats nearly ruined the Governor's Christmas. Not only is it outrageous, but he is deeply troubled!

Taking away kid's access to healthcare? Not troubling.

Ruining a man's reputation because he told you you were breaking the law? Not troubling.

Signing bills into law without knowing what you are signing? That's no big deal and it's not troubling.

But taking down a holiday tree, I mean, Christmas tree....NOW THAT IS TROUBLING!

(The toad has absolutely nothing to do with this story, I just had a neat picture of a toad and no place to use it. Incidentally, Constant Reader, were you aware toad sucking is illegal in Missouri? That sorta puts a damper on our plans to take the bus to this par-tay!)

© 2007, Springfield News-Leader
JEFFERSON CITY - Gov. Matt Blunt today issued the following statement about Missouri State University’s decision to remove its campus Christmas Tree from Strong Hall, and its reversal of the Christmas Tree take down plan:

“I was deeply troubled by MSU’s decision to take down a campus Christmas tree. President Nietzel’s reversal of this outrageous decision by University bureaucrats was the only proper decision and I thank him for it. The historical underpinnings and meaning of Christmas cannot be ignored because some university office received a complaint.

“Today, I issued a directive to state agencies that no state employee will be reprimanded, cautioned or disciplined for saying ‘Merry Christmas’ to others. I strongly recommend that MSU as well as all other taxpayer supported institutions adopt my policy.”
Fortunately, the governor is not deeply troubled by women who dress up like those cute furry little white Easter bunnies you see each year. If you are confused, that is my intent.*In his mind's eye, Governor Matt Blunt (R-MO), also known as the "Mattster", sees himself taking down the taker down of the Christmas tree.

"Wait a minute," says the boy governor, "Nietzel---that don't sound like no American name like Plastered or Jetsoned!

"Wait a sec, was he the one who took the tree down or was he the one who put it up agin? I can't remember, Ed, help me Ed, where are you? (oh, I remember, nevermind.)

"Anyhow, I bet there's some foreign blood in his family tree? Yeah, that's why he took the tree down, it's a full frontal assault on Missouri values!

"Why I bet his bible only has one testament and it ain't the new, if you get my drift!

"I better get old Dee-W in here to attorney this and put the happy back in holidays...or is it the merry back in Christmas?

"Oh gosh, I hope this makes Drudge and Mitt sees it!

"Mitt, Mitt, see, I can be decisive, I can take on the serious issues without blinking. I got enuf grit to be a heartbeat away from the presidency. Gee, Mitt, I can do it, I promise I can. Please, Please. pick me, pretty please with sugar on it, pick me.

"Hey, maybe I'll give him some Missouri wine, that'll show him I'm a regular guy...

"Wait a minute, Mormons don't drink. I know, I'll give him some Missouri voters.

"Rod, Oh Rod, could you get Plastered and bring us some villagers to fill the ballot box for Mitt? Mitt and Matt, Mitt and Matt. What a great campaign slogan!

"Mitt and Matt, tit and tat, gosh, ain't life swell! Gee Mitt, I laughed at all your jokes, please pick me! My Dad can help us get elected, maybe.

*Everything in this post, except for the things that are not, is purely a figment of imagination, and in no way an attempt to disparage or mock the severity of the crisis that precipitated the news release.

1 comment:

Jason said...

Of course, had someone not been putting personal politics ahead of the law this never would have happened. :)