Friday, July 09, 2010

"Speak English Like The Constitution Intended!"

An Amish farmer walking through his field notices a man drinking from his pond, with his hand.

The farmer shouts: "Trinken Sie nicht das Wasser, die Kuhe und die Schweine haben in ihm geschissen!"

The man shouts back: "I am an American. I don't understand, nor do I care to understand your gibberish. Speak English like the constitution intended!"

The farmer shouts back in English: "Use both hands, you'll get more!"


Anonymous said...

A noted University Extension specialist asked the Amish farmer what is the white stuff in chicken poop?

Before the Amish farmer could respond, the specialist said, "The white stuff in chicken feces is called URIC ACID. Mammals like us produce waste ammonia but it is combined with carbon dioxide (CO2) and converted into urea. Humans dissolve urea in water making urine (pee). Chickens do the process differently. They use less water and do not pee ,so they convert the ammonia into Uric acid and excrete it as a white paste or powder."

The Amish farmer said, "I thought it was more chicken poop."

Anonymous said...

Did you know that the words "race car" spelled backwards still spell "race car?"

And that "eat" is the only word that, if you take the 1st letter and move it to the last, spells its past tense, "ate."

And if you rearrange the letters in "so called tea party republicans" and add just a few more letters it spells "shut up, you free-loading, progress-blocking, benefit-grabbing, resource-sucking, violent, hypocritical a##holes, and face the fact that you nearly wrecked the country under Bush."


Anonymous said...

What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass?

A Mechanic.

Anonymous said...

Turns out Sandra Bullock's ex-hubby's squeeze, heavily tattooed Michelle McGee, grew up Amish.

Ever wonder if things would be different if, when she was a kid, they would've let her paint the family wagon any other color but black?

Apparently she figured that if she'll be viewed as a Freak her whole life, she'd rather it was as the Tattooed Lady than as the Bearded Lady.