Monday, September 28, 2009

I Haven't Been Posting For Awhile, Here' Why....

Last Friday I went to the new Sam's Club on South Campbell to pick up some items. Everytime the PvtRN and I go there is costs us about $150.00, Instead of Sam's they ought to call it Costgo. Anyhow, we picked up toilet paper, paper towels, diapers for the grandbabies, paper plates, trash sacks, wax paper, paper napkins, a couple of cases of beer and a bottle of Ketel One. And a 50 pound sack of Iams dog food for Lexie, our deaf and mature dog who is just about as old as I am in dog years.

The PvtRN and I were in the checkout line when the woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and
have little to do and all the time to do it in (I don't know what I did today, but it took me all day to do it) on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Iam's Healthy Diet again. I added that the last time I was on this diet that I'd lost 50 pounds but I went off it when I started barking at the mailman.

Actually this is essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to simply load your pants pockets with those Iams nuggets and eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete and if you have all your teeth and drink water with it, it ain't too bad. At least it is better than cat food (the PvtRN fed me catfood one time and told me it was a new kind of tuna fish. I was telling her that my taste palate was so sensitive That I could tell the difference between different brands of tuna fish. You know like "chicken of the sea", "starkist","Best Choice". She said I couldn't. You know, with enough Ketel One even pickled herring can taste like Tuna Fish. Sometimes I don't understand her sense of humor).

Every body in the line was asking me all sorts of questions about the diet and I just directed them to the website where I learned about the diet, paid for our items and loaded them in the trunk of the Honda.

The next thing I remember was waking up in a room in 8 East at Cox Medical Center.

The PvtRN was supervising a whole cadre of nurses taking care of my needs. Although still somewhat medicated, I asked what the heck happened to me.

Apparently I was doing fine loading the car until an Irish Setter came by and I started chasing it The setter and I ended up in the middle of the street sniffing each other's butts --- I never saw the truck coming and evidently the truck driver didn't see us either.

Hey Longrooffan, Happy Birthday!

4 comments:

Horse-farmer said...

Perfect, just perfect.......

Doughboy is it?????

later

d5thouta5 said...

At least you weren't trying to hump your neighbor's leg....

Here's...listen closely and you can here the top popped...to a quick and painless recovery...

If not....can I have your stuff..??

d5thouta5 said...

Just not the women or debt....

Complaint Department Manager said...

That's not nearly embarrasing as it would have been had they caught you scoot-scratching your bunghole across the parking lot.

I'd pay to see that.