Friday, November 25, 2011

Who Blowed Up The Church House?

One time there was an old bachelor names Longstreet and he did not do no work, because he drawed a big pension every month.

After while he got so fat he wouldn't even chop his own kindling, and he hired some fellow to haul wood into town and rick it up right by the back door.

The old man kept a fishpole in the house, and it was just eight feet long, with a notch cut in the middle. He used to bring out the fishpole and measure the wood careful, and if the woodpile was eight foot long and four foot high, he would give the fellow seventy-five cents.

But if it measure even one inch short, old man Longstreet says it ain't a full rick, and he would nothing until the fellow put on some more wood.

The fellows that cut wood and sold it did not like old man Longstreet much. He did not get along very good with his neighbors, neither.

Every time a little cold spell come along, old man Longstreet would be grumbling hos somebody was stealing his wood in the night.

"There's folks in this town that ain't got no woodpile at all," says he, "but there's smoke coming out their chimney just the same, and you can smell meat a'frying."

Finally he put ups KEEP OUT signs in his back yard, and he says he is gong to shot anybody that come around there at night.

The sheriff told him he better get a big dog to watch the woodpile. But old man Longstreet says it would cost too much to feed the critter, and the goddam neighbors is mean enough to poison a dog anyhow.

The Baptist church set right across the lane from old man Longstreet's place, and one Sunday they had got a new preacher down from Springfield.

It was pretty cold, and the preacher wanted to build a little fire to take the chill off the pews.

Old man Longstreet was not home, as he had went fishing somewhere, so the new preacher went into the back yard and got an armful of wood. He says surely nobody will begrudge a few little sticks for the worship of God, but he didn't know old man Longstreet.

The preacher got the fire going good, and then he walked out the door of the church, a'thinking about his sermon.

All of a sudden the stove blowed up KER-WHAM!

It know the pulpit down, and broke most of the windows, and scattered live coals all over the church house. The whole place was full of smoke, and the preacher was hollering like a scalded bird dog. He wasn't hurt none, but he was scared witless.

Some folks come along and pumped water, and carried it round in their hats, or else the church house would have burnt plumb down.

And if that stove had blowed up after the meeting got started, it might have killed half the Baptists in the settlement.

The folks thought old man Longstreet had fixed a stick of wood with powder to last out the scoundrels he claimed was stealing his wood in the night.

But the old man swore he never done it, and he figured the neighbors must have loaded up a stick and put it in the woodpile to murder huim, as they are low-down thieving lot and he would not put anything past them.

The neighbors say they never done such a thing, and who would want to kill a crazy old fool like that, which he had got one foot in the grave already?

One fellow says old man Longstreet is always having trouble with the woodcutters because he claims they don't give him a full rick for his money, and maybe the woodcutters put powder in to get even with old man Longstreet.

The fellows that hauled wood says it is a outrageous lie, and people better be goddam careful who they say are accusing things like that.

And one woodcutter says everybody would like to get rid of old man Longstreet and the neighbors too, but he can't afford to buy powder so long as them tightwads will only pay seventy-feve cents ar ick.

"If they will give me a dollar and a quarts," says he, "I'll put free dynaminte in every woodpile, and them damn fools can blow each other up all over town for all I care."

We never did find out which one done it, or who they was trying to blow up. Some says one thing, and some says another.

There was a piece in the Durgeonville paper about how the folks down our way is against religion, but the home folks all knowed better.

There ain't nobody in this county would blow up a church house on purpose, and run the risk of killing a lot of good Christian people.

It was just one of these here unfortunate accidents, and you can't make nothing else out of it.

Who Blowed Up the Church House And Other Ozark Folk Tales, Vance Randolph, Columbia University Press, New York, 1952.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Dangerous Games for Boys

This was in this morning's Springfield News-Leader.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Celebrating Thanksgiving with the Bus family!

Happy Thanksgiving ALL! It's a day for the best of everything!

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

November 22, 1963

Monday, November 21, 2011

Holding America hostage: Grover Norquist

Last night on 60 Minutes Grover Norquist started off saying how he was conservative politically starting at about the age of 12 and worked for the Nixon campaign. And here's the kicker - he got this whole NO TAX idea about this time while heading home on the school bus one day.

1) He comes up with this NO TAX idea as he's riding a tax funded school bus.
2) The entire Republican party, and our economy as a whole, are being held hostage by an ideology schemed up by a 12 year old!

Our representative in Congress, Billy Long, signed Norquist's pledge. Long cares more about Norquist than he does about his constituents.

FAIL and a super fail to any other candidate who signs Norquist's pledge.

Who funds Norquist? He ain't telling.

He is a charter member of the vast right-wing conspiracy.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Where Herman got his "9, 9, 9" plan.....

He got stoned and was listening to the White Album when he got really hungry and ordered some pizza... not sissy pizza but REAL MAN Pizza! And he had a revolution...I mean revelation!

Paris Hilton is more popular than Billy Long

Monday, November 07, 2011

Billy Long and the politics of "NO". Mel Hancock Dies.

From PoliticoMO comes this report: Long: "I'm still "fed up".

NEOSHO, MO. — After ten months in Congress, Freshman Rep. Billy Long says he is still “fed up” with Washington.

The former Springfield auctioneer, who made a campaign out of being upset with the ways of Washington, told Republicans in Neosho his time in Washington hasn’t been easy.

“We thought we could stop all of the things we were fed up with,” Long said, citing the Affordable Care Act, the Recovery Act, and other pieces of legislation passed by the Democrat-controlled congress of 2008.

But the Republican controlled House is trumped by a Senate controlled largely by Democrats, who won’t have anything to do with the Republican’s legislative agenda. Long said taking control of the U.S. Senate should be a top priority for local activists.

“When you have half of the government, you don’t have much,” he said. “We’ve got a key, important senate race.”

Long said though they haven’t been able to achieve huge legislative victories, Republicans have changed the conversation in Washington. Beyond that, “Our job has been to stop as much as we can stop,” he said.

A highlight of the last couple weeks, he said, was having the opportunity to meet with multiple Republican presidential candidates, including Herman Cain, Mitt Romney, and others.

His pick? “I’m A.B.O.,” Long, always ready with a one-liner said. “Anybody but Obama.”
In other news, former congressman Mel Hancock died in his sleep Sunday morning.

Sunday, November 06, 2011

How to set your atomic clock for standard time

1. Remove the battery from the battery compartment for 30 seconds and then re-install.

2. Press the SET button for a few seconds until the hour starts flashing in the display. (You may have to push the reset button with a paper clip first.)

3. Press the ADJUST button to set the hour.

4. Use the SET and ADJUST button to set the rest of the time and date. The setting sequence is hour-minute-second-month-date-year.

5. Press the MODE button to exit the setting mode.


1. Press the MODE button to enter the Alarm Time Mode.

2. Press the SET button to change the time zone.

3. Press the MODE button to exit.

If I help just one person set their atomic clock then my life will truly be a purpose-driven life.